Our roots reach in a little deeper
by OtterAndTerrier
Summary: [COMPLETE] Han and Leia talk about having another baby. (Set in the New Canon universe, even if I ignore parts of it. Implied Rey Solo.)


**A/N:** I started this two months ago after reading Rey Solo theories and listening to Sleeping At Last's song _Daughter_ (title comes from there). I was full of second baby feels! Since this is just a pregnancy fic, you can take it as if it is actually baby Rey, a pregnancy that didn't carry through, an AU where they have a completely different second child, whatever. I borrowed some elements from _Aftermath_ and _Life Debt_ but I don't agree with the timeline, so you can also… take this however you'd like. I'm doing whatever I want with the new canon, excuse me.

 **ETA:** guys please it's not necessary to mention that it's a shame they weren't happy forever etc. in every one of my post-RotJ one-shots that are more or less TFA compliant. I use new canon material mainly for universe building and plot ideas, but if it helps, in my hotch-potch universe they're both still married, alive, and happy, so let us focus on that :)

* * *

Leia was on that fine line that separates wakefulness from sleep, leaning steadily towards the latter, when she heard Han whispering her name.

'Are you awake?' he asked, pulling her back to consciousness.

'Barely,' she mumbled, rolling over and burrowing her nose against his shoulder.

Han only said, 'Huh'.

A full minute passed before Leia asked, 'Were you just checking or did you want to say something?'

'Uh, the second, but it doesn't matter.'

'Tomorrow is a weekday.'

'What?'

'If what you wanted to say has anything to do with sex,' Leia said, stifling a yawn, 'I'm reminding you that tomorrow is a weekday.'

'That's not it, but I'm looking forwards to Friday for sure.' Leia laughed softly as he slid an arm around her waist and gave her a squeeze. She waited, but he didn't say anything else. It would have been easy to close her eyes again and let herself drift off to sleep, but something made her ask, 'Are you going to tell me what you wanted to say? Is anything troubling you?'

'Told you, it doesn't matter,' Han replied. Leia noticed that, unlike hers, his voice didn't sound sleepy at all.

'Come on. You asked if I was awake. Well, I'm awake.'

'Yeah, but you're right, it's late and tomorrow's Thursday—'

Leia tilted her head back on the pillow to look at him as best as she could in the dark. 'Han, you wouldn't want to do small talk at this hour, so if it's not sex, then it must be something important. Tell me.'

He gave her a calculating look and shifted onto his back, staring at the ceiling. 'I was wondering if you ever think about more kids.'

Han's words caught her by surprise. To make sure she hadn't misunderstood him, she asked, 'Do I think what about more kids?'

He turned his head to raise an eyebrow at her. 'About having 'em.'

'Oh. Not lately. I thought we'd settled on just the one…' Leia frowned, the last shreds of sleep fading off and leaving her head clear. 'But we've never really discussed it, have we? I must have assumed.'

'Yeah, I assumed that, too. Never really gave it much thought until now.'

Leia pushed herself up on one elbow and looked down at him. 'And how come you're thinking about it now? Have you been… _wondering_ for long?'

'Since we saw your friend Shalla. She said they were enjoying the second pregnancy more than the first. Got me thinking how I missed most of yours.'

'You know I don't hold that against you,' Leia assured him, laying a hand over his chest. 'You didn't miss most of it, just the first half. And it was the nasty months, really. You were lucky.'

'I didn't want to be "lucky", I wanted to be there.'

'I know,' Leia appeased him, sighing. She wasn't far along when Han had been sent out on a recon mission to Dasoor—a mission he'd ditched in order to lead a half-cocked liberation of Kashyyyk. They had been apart for a couple of months, and then she'd lost track of him for weeks when she didn't know if he was even alive. It had taken her some time to understand why he'd refused to listen to her, why he couldn't wait until they could do it right, together, but she got there in the end. He wouldn't be the man she loved if he hadn't gone. 'You couldn't be there, and it made me angry sometimes, but I understood. It was just bad timing.'

'That's the point,' Han explained, pulling himself into a half-seated position. 'War's been over for years. I'm not going anywhere. We're busy, but we manage. Ben's old enough not to feel jealous—'

Leia's chuckle cut him off. 'Oh, Han, siblings are _always_ jealous of each other, no matter their age. But you are right, I think he'd handle it better now.'

'See? Now it'd be good timing. And,' Han added, smirking at her, 'you look _really_ good pregnant.'

She couldn't help but snort softly at that. 'I might have looked good pregnant ten years ago. I'm not sure it'd be a perk now.'

'That's what you think. I'd still want to make love to you every day,'

'You always know how to charm me,' Leia said, shaking her head. 'Well, if I was pregnant, you couldn't, not every day. In fact, it'd be years until we got back any sort of regular intimacy.'

'It wasn't that bad, and it's not like we can have sex every day now—I was just pointin' out that I'd want to. So what's the difference between not having sex with one kid than not having sex with two kids, huh?'

Leia stared at him, astounded. 'Well… I guess you're right, but… still. Han. Another baby? It'd be months of sleepless nights again, changing diapers, not having a night off,' she said, counting with her fingers. A baby. He wanted to have another child with her, and while she might have entertained the idea on very few occasions over the years, only as a wondering, Leia was beginning to warm up to it. First, though, she had to make sure Han knew what they'd be getting into.

He took her hand and folded her fingers down. 'I know, sweetheart, I didn't forget about that.' He gave her a half smile. 'But we'd have a baby.'

Leia looked down, considering the possibility. She had to admit he made a compelling argument—which was very rare for Han Solo.

'Look, it's up to you.' He reached out a hand to push some of her hair over her shoulder and left it there, rubbing circles with his thumb. 'If you don't wanna go through that, I'll shut up, all right? Promise.'

She remembered staring at Ben as a baby as she nursed him, then watching him as he grew, trying to find Han in his features, in his gestures and mannerisms. She imagined another baby, another combination of their DNA. She thought back to the joy Ben's birth had brought them, and how it had developed into her daily contentment as she saw him grow safe and loved. Doubling all of that sounded wonderful, and Han was right—it was a good time for another baby. As for the ugly parts, she'd done it once before. She could do it again.

Feeling slightly dazed, Leia said, 'Okay, hotshot.'

'Okay you'll think about it?' Han asked, looking hopeful.

'No.' Smiling, Leia bent over him and kissed him, then cupped his cheek. 'Okay let's do it. Let's have another baby.'

He let out a laugh and before she knew it, he was kissing her, leaning into her until she was again on her back.

'We're not making it right now!' She chuckled, wrapping her arms around his neck in no effort to stop him as he swung a leg over her. 'I'm still on contraceptives.'

'So? What am I, just the sperm guy?' Han gave her a big-eyed, doleful look. 'We can still do it for fun, can't we?'

'I'm starting to think this was all a scheme to get into my underwear.'

He pushed himself up on one arm until he was hovering over her, and raked his eyes along the length of her body before saying, 'No offense, but _what_ underwear are you talking about, Your Worshipfulness?'

Leia clucked her tongue and hooked a leg over his hips, bringing him down to her again; it was about time they stopped talking and started _not_ making a baby.

* * *

A couple of weeks later, Han whispered his wife's name in the middle of the night again, but it wasn't until he accidentally jolted her as he scrambled out of bed that Leia woke up.

She lifted her head from the pillow, peering through half-open eyes towards the doorway, where Han was bending over a small figure in the shadows of the corridor outside.

'What's wrong, buddy?'

Ben hesitated before answering, looking down at his father's feet. When he did, it was in a near whisper, a constricted tone that hinted at choked back tears.

'I know I'm too old to sleep with you and Mom. But… can I… can I stay here for a while?'

Han glanced at Leia, then back at his son. 'Sure.'

Ben dragged his feet into the room and climbed into his parents' bed. Leia leaned back on her elbows while Ben settled next to her without meeting her eyes, lying onto his back and tucking his chin into his chest.

'What happened, Ben?' she asked gently as Han sat on the other side of the bed. 'Did you have a nightmare?'

Ben nodded stiffly.

'Do you want to talk about it? What was it about?'

As she'd already guessed he would, Ben said, 'I don't remember.'

Han always reminded her that it wasn't unusual for kids to have nightmares. Ben had had nightmares since he was a toddler: he would wake up crying, or they would wake up to find him crawling into bed with them, shaking. He hadn't done that since he had turned eight and they had decided to have a talk with him about how he was a big boy now. Her husband was right: most children had bad dreams from time to time and sought to keep sleeping with their parents if they could get away with it (well, Han actually didn't know about that last part, but Leia did). What was uncommon, however, was that Ben never seemed to remember what his dreams were about, or why they terrified him so, and that was what gave Leia pause. Luke had ventured once they might be Force-dreams, about future things that might or might not happen, or even visions from a past he hadn't lived, and that as Ben couldn't interpret them, he couldn't remember them when he woke up. Leia hadn't said anything, but she felt deep inside that that wasn't it.

'That's a good thing,' Han said. 'If you can't remember what scared you about it, you don't have anything to be afraid of.'

Leia knew he meant to reassure Ben, but both she and Han also knew from experience that even if the terrors of your dreams were long dead and buried, even if they were imaginary—even if you didn't remember them when you woke up—you could still be afraid to fall back asleep.

'It was just a dream, Ben. You're safe,' Han told him now. Ben nodded, but made no attempt to leave, and she wouldn't ask him to. Han would, eventually, only because they had agreed that encouraging Ben not to sleep with them anymore was the best. This was a special case, though, which was why she said, 'Do you want to stay with us tonight, baby?'

'I'm not a baby,' Ben complained, frowning up at her.

Trying to fix the counterproductivity of her words, Leia nodded and said, 'I know. You'll always be my baby, though.' Then she cringed inside at the motherly cliché. Han shot her an amused smile before intervening.

'What your mother's trying to say is that you can sleep with us this time if you want, even though you're all grown up. All right?'

Ben nodded, so Han grabbed sheets and blankets and drew them over both of them as he settled on his side of the bed. Leia lay back down on her pillow and wrapped an arm around Ben. She expected him to turn away or complain, but Ben rolled towards her and let her hug him closer, his hand bunching up the silken fabric of her nightgown like he used to do for comfort when he was little. Han rolled over to face them and stroked Ben's back.

It was a perfect picture, her little family falling asleep together, peaceful, holding each other—if it wasn't for the fact that Ben's inexplicable night terrors were the cause of such a setting. An old fear gripped Leia again. She looked up and saw Han staring at her; she tried to smile at him, but a sad grimace came out instead.

Leia closed her eyes and buried her nose in her son's hair as she tried to summon sleep.

* * *

She was the first to rise the next morning, although as she started a pot of kaf, Leia saw Han cross the hallway that led to their and Ben's rooms, tottering to the 'fresher.

He showed up in the kitchen just after she had poured two steaming mugs.

'Morning,' he said, accepting his and kissing the top of her head. He took a generous sip before starting to take out everything he needed to make hotcakes.

'Good morning. Ben?'

'Still out. Did you sleep well?'

'Yes,' was Leia's automatic response. She supposed she had, when she had finally been able to fall asleep, but it had been some time before that happened. Her eyes followed Han's movements as he whipped up his famous Corellian-style batter. She would have liked to keep her fears to herself, mostly because she didn't even know how to put them in words for Han. Yet even if he couldn't understand, even if it was beyond his power to erase those fears for her, he always listened. She needed to talk to him about them now, again, both because it was his business too and because no matter how little effective his words were in reality, she needed to hear him say it would all be okay.

'I was awake for a long time, though,' Leia added, sipping her kaf. 'Thinking.'

Without taking his eyes off his preparations, Han said, 'Yeah, I know.' He poured some batter into a skillet and looked up to meet Leia's surprised face. 'Know what you've been thinking about, too, sweetheart.'

Leia should have known better than to be surprised about it after all these years. Han had always been more intuitive than he let on. Luke had suggested once he might be strong in the Force, too. Han hadn't taken the joke well.

'What's that?' she asked, in part to test him, and in part to stall her part of the conversation.

'You're wondering if bringing another baby with _your blood_ ,' he emphasized the last two words with a dramatic flair, 'would be a good thing for the galaxy.' He flipped a hotcake onto a plate and poured more batter. 'I thought it'd be easier this time, since you didn't bring it up before. But the way you looked at me last night, when you hugged Ben, I just knew it was on your mind again.'

'It's on my mind whenever he has one of his bad dreams, Han. He hadn't had a bad dream in so long…'

'I know the dreams set you off, but I still don't get why you're blaming yourself for that.'

'Because if Luke is right and those are Force-visions, Ben's suffering is on _me_. I passed this on to him.' _And if I'm right and it's something worse, that's on me, too._

'You talk about it like you passed the kid some genetic disease that turns him into a Rathtar once a month,' Han joked, piling more hotcakes on the plate. He looked at her and said, more gently, 'I told you, Leia. You and your brother came straight from—' Han cut himself off while looking over his shoulder to make sure they were still alone. 'And you both turned out all right. Ben comes from _you_. He'll be fine.'

He had made similar arguments over and over, ever since she'd revealed to him the dreary truth of her origins, and Leia knew he meant every word. Sometimes, though, it was hard for her to accept he was right about that.

'Besides, the dreams aren't hurting him,' Han continued. 'They're just nightmares, everyone has them, Force or not.'

Leia didn't say anything this time. How could she expect Han to understand when she couldn't understand herself? How, when even Luke had dismissed her fears, saying the alternative to help Ben was to send him away to train as a Jedi with him, but that even that held no guarantees?

Han sighed, startling her out of her thoughts. 'Told you, it's up to you, Leia. If you wanna go back on this, then we don't have another baby.'

'And you'd be happy with that?' Leia asked, watching him carefully.

'Sure I would.' He shot her a grin. 'I am happy now, with you and Ben. Could do without Goldenrod, though.'

'Oh, don't be mean, Threepio loves you,' Leia teased him, getting a skeptical eyebrow rise in return.

'So, you wanna do that?' Han asked almost casually, pouring the last of the batter into the skillet. 'You wanna go back on this?'

Leia took a deep breath, bracing herself for her next words.

'Well, the thing is… I don't think I can do that, now.'

'Come on, Leia. I meant it. Sure, it'd be nice to have another baby, but it's fine if we don't, I'm not gonna—'

Leia laid a hand on his arm to stop him. 'No, I know that. What I meant is that… I can't go back on… on something that might have already happened.'

Han frowned into his skillet as he processed her words, then dragged his eyes up and turned to stare at her.

'You're pregnant?' he asked, his voice coming out a bit hoarse.

'I _might_ be,' Leia clarified. 'My cycle is a bit late.'

'How late?' She caught a hint of suspicion in his voice, like he knew she was trying to downplay it.

'About twenty days.'

'Twenty days. _That's_ a bit late to you? And when were you gonna tell me, when the kid popped out of you?'

'I should hope you would have worked it out sooner than that,' Leia said dryly, but that just made Han scowl at her. 'Look, I thought I may be having a month off that happened to fall right when we were trying to conceive, that it was a false alarm. I haven't taken any tests or told you because I thought I could give it some time, and then if it _was_ a false alarm, neither of us would have gotten their hopes up for nothing. Meanwhile, we could keep trying. If I was really pregnant, nothing wrong would come from it.'

She could almost see Han's mind working. He might not like it, but he knew her decision made sense. Once she had voiced the possibility, they both would have held onto that, run off to make sure, and been disappointed if it wasn't the case.

'I would have told you in another week,' Leia said, tilting her head to meet his eyes. 'I wanted to wait a whole month before going to the doctor. We haven't been trying for that long, after all.'

'I'm a really good shot, sweetheart,' Han said, smirking. Leia chuckled. Then he said in a more serious voice, 'You still can go back on it, if you changed your mind, you know that. I'll be there.'

There was a loud hiss behind Han, and Leia was suddenly aware of a horrible burnt smell.

'Han!'

'Kriff, I forgot!' He turned around and quickly moved the skillet out of the fire; the hotcake inside was almost black. He threw it on the sink before facing Leia again. 'So… if we find out you're pregnant… will you want to end it?'

Leia shook her head. 'I wouldn't. We were looking for it. We wanted a baby, Han, and if I'm pregnant… I'll still want it. No matter what.'

Han nodded and ran a hand over his jaw. 'Do you still want to wait another week for a test?'

Now that it was out, she didn't think she could wait. Leia bit her lip before saying, 'No. Let's go to the medcenter on Monday.'

'All right.' Han picked up a towel and wiped his hands. 'And… uh… are you really sure you don't know if you're pregnant?'

Leia bit back a smile and said, 'Well, I won't know for sure until I have a test done–'

'Try again, Your Worship.'

'You know, you are—'

'Yeah, yeah, I'm impossible and you don't know what possessed you to marry me _and_ have kids with me,' Han said in one breath, tossing the towel to the counter. 'Throw in a lame insult about nerfs or banthas or moofs. Now spill it.'

Leia inhaled deeply through her nose. It was becoming increasingly hard to keep a rational perspective over the situation any longer, but really, she was caring less and less by the minute, now that he knew.

'I think I am pregnant, Han,' she whispered. 'I can feel it, like with Ben.'

Her husband's face broke into a bright smile and he laughed. He took a step forward and laid his hands on her hips. 'You know, you're an impossible woman, too, Your Highness. Couldn't you have started there?'

'I _told you_ , I wanted to be sure before—'

'I'm going to kiss you now.'

'It's about time you did!'

Han's arms enveloped her as he drew her closer, bent his head and kissed her. Leia pulled herself up on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling against his lips.

' _Ugh!_ '

They broke apart to find Ben standing in the doorway, pulling a face and looking away in what Leia considered a rather exaggerated reaction.

'What are you "ugh-ing" about, kid?' Han said, releasing Leia to put the pile of hotcakes on the table and signaling Ben to sit down. 'One day you'll grow up, bring a special friend home, and then we'll be the ones going _ugh_ at you.'

Ben made another disgusted face. 'Sure, Dad.'

Leia moved to drizzle some syrup over the hotcakes—Han might be a good cook, but he didn't care much for details. She kissed the top of her son's head before asking, 'Did you sleep well, honey?'

Ben shrugged, staring at his plate. 'Yeah.' He helped himself to a hotcake and fiddled with it for a moment, then said, 'I'm sorry I slept with you last night. I promise it was the last time. I should have been brave.'

Leia exchanged a look with Han. That definitely wasn't the way she wanted her child to feel. She was about to say something when Han spoke.

'Hey, come on now, buddy, nothing to be sorry about.' He sat opposite Ben, cocking his head to catch his son's eyes. 'You know, your mom and I, we have nightmares sometimes, too. They're scary and we don't wanna be alone either. But we're not alone, 'cos we have each other. Well, you got _us_ , all right? It's okay if you have a nightmare and you need us.'

Leia brushed a lock of hair off Ben's forehead, giving Han a grateful smile. 'That's right, honey. You're not alone.'

Ben smiled shyly at her and proceeded to tuck in, his night fears, if not completely forgotten, at least assuaged for the moment. Leia drew back her hand and let it slide down to her still flat stomach. She didn't need Han to tell her this time; she knew everything would be okay.


End file.
